Birthdays are a blessing

“FORTY??  There is NO way I can be FORTY?  That is how old OLD people are!”

Those were the thoughts running through my head three years ago when I turned the Big 4-0. My colleagues were amazing and went ALL OUT decorating my office and helping me celebrate, which did take some of the sting out. I generally LOVE birthdays. Birthdays have always been a big deal in my family. We get a Birthday Week…a whole week of feeling special and honored.   But if you’re like (the old) me, facing a big milestone birthday like that might have been met with mixed feelings.  It’s always fun to celebrate but sometimes I couldn’t believe how quickly time was passing and how OLD I was getting.

In the Myeloma world, when you’ve had a Stem Cell Transplant, they will often say it’s your new birthday.  But today is my birthday – my REAL birthday.  I am either 43 years old or 103 days old, depending on how you do the math. 🙂  Either way, I. WILL. TAKE. IT.  When asked my age now, I PROUDLY declare it.

I remember seeing an ad campaign, before my own cancer diagnosis, developed by the American Cancer Society about their work for over 100 years striving for a world with less cancer and more birthdays.  I loved it and it really stuck with me. I had no way of knowing that the idea of celebrating more birthdays and relishing each one you are blessed to have would resonate so much with me in the years to follow.  In the weeks leading up to this birthday in particular, I have felt nothing but excitement and gratitude.  Seven months ago there were some doubts that I would make it to this birthday.  The path that led me to this cancer diagnosis was an uncertain one, with me spending two weeks in the hospital – part of it unconscious, on a breathing tube and with many medical procedures to get me well and determine what was wrong with me. As I wrote about in a recent blog, there were questions about whether or not I would leave the hospital, let alone fight this fight.

But FIGHT I am…I am fighting hard to celebrate each birthday I am lucky enough to have.  Each birthday is a GIFT to be treasured because nothing in life is guaranteed to us.  Each day people’s lives are cut too short not only due to a cancer diagnosis but because of other illnesses or tragic accidents.   None of us knows the twists and turns our lives will take – all we can do is enjoy the ride along the way.  As I said, my birthdays have always meant a lot to me.  It’s always fun to feel special and be the center of attention for the day.  But NOW?  Birthdays ROCK. I mean they kick some SERIOUS ass!

Each birthday should be a celebration of the year behind us.  A year in which we have each hopefully lived our days to the fullest.  When we each reflect back, we shouldn’t measure ourselves by the number of new wrinkles we have, how messy our house is or the size or our jeans.  Life is imperfect and chaotic but isn’t that what can be great about it?  Each wrinkle is a permanent reminder etched on your face, inside it cradled a story, a worry or a laugh.  Sticky floors and a messy house, as I OFTEN try to remind myself, are made by children who are having fun and making memories.  And those skinny jeans?  These days I am a lot less concerned about whether my body can fit into them than I am about how my body will respond to the medicines I am getting to fight this beast.

Each birthday is also a fresh start for a whole new year.  A year in which, if we do it right, we will love with abandon, laugh uncontrollably, enjoy unexpected adventures and get one step closer to achieving our dreams.  Another year during which we will inevitably make mistakes but hopefully have the grace to forgive the mistakes of others. Another year to be silly, take chances and face our fears.

When I think about the last birthday I celebrated it feels like it was far more than 365 days ago.  I feel like I have lived a lifetime in the past 7 1/2 months, since I was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma.  Life has an incredible way of showing us what really matters.  I will never, EVER again take a birthday for granted because I truly understand now, more than ever before, what a gift each birthday is.  Another year gets me one step closer to seeing my kids graduate from high school, go to their proms, start families of their own.   Another year brings me that much closer to getting the retirement home my husband and I have long dreamed about.   And each new year means the possibility of a cure for this awful disease will be more closely within our reach.

When I blow out the candles for my birthday tonight my wish will be simple….it will be for many, many more candles ahead.

#gameon